There were three times in the past week that I found myself in conversations with persons and I made reference to one of the questions I use and recommend often in discernment when the choice is unclear: “Which choice will help you sleep best at night?”
This could be worded different ways to arrive at the same basic result: “Which choice can you most easily live with?” “Which choice are you least likely to regret?” “Which choice is your future self most likely to appreciate you making right now?”
All of these questions ultimately filter down to the same practical reality: how do we make a difficult choice without the guilt of making a “wrong choice” taking over our future?
I have come to see and learn in decision-making that this is one of the most important factors involved. And it is not that my own life is necessarily wracked with guilt over poor choices. To be sure, I have made many poor choices. And while most of these are things I have come to terms with and are thus no longer guilt-inducing, some remain so. Some guilt I carry is a heavy burden; some is more like a pebble in one’s shoe. I suspect you can identify.
But in the course of pastoring with people in various stages and walks of life, I have witnessed and walked with those whose lives have been deeply harmed by the guilt they bear. I have seen promising futures dismantled, vigorous health debilitated, tight-knit families unwound, and well-anchored people unmoored. The guilt we carry from difficult decisions we have made can seemingly uncreate us.
God, of course, does not wish this to be so. God wishes to help us understand what is and isn’t ours to carry. God intends to help us let go of guilt for more the more productive paths of reconciliation, peacemaking, and community-building. God hopes to help us see that what has been done cannot be undone, but a different future can be made. And God persists in being present with us throughout — even if we simply ignore God and slump along hauling the unbearable weight of guilt.
This, too, is why I believe the discernment question I propose is in alignment with God’s Way. It removes as much guilt out of the equation as possible so there can be the possibility of life-after-decision-making — “a future with hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
I don’t know if any of this is relevant for you right now, but if it is I would love to hear about it. Send me an email, shoot me a text, let me know somehow how I can hear and support you in this journey we are all on together.
Peace+
Pastor Michael